Mother’s Day can be a joyful celebration for many, while for others it may be a difficult and emotionally complex day. Angelo Makri, Senior Knowledge Officer from Alzheimer’s Society offers some tips for carers on relationships ahead of Mother’s Day.
Around one million people are living with dementia in the UK and about two-thirds are women. Dementia is not a natural part of ageing. It affects memory, problem solving, language and communication.
Dementia can affect the relationship between the person and those closest to them. For example, as a person’s dementia progresses, their children may feel that the relationship changes from being the child of the person to being one of their carers. This can cause a lot of different emotions for everyone involved, including confusion, grief, and anger.
While caring for your mother can be rewarding, it is common for it to sometimes feel overwhelming, especially if you’re working, studying or have other caring responsibilities. If you’ve always spoken with your mum about your life and any problems you are facing, this can also be especially difficult to cope with.It’s important to look after yourself and find meaningful ways to connect with your mum if you can,
Angelo Makri, Senior Knowledge Officer from Alzheimer’s Society offers some tips for carers on relationships:
Try to focus on the relationship as it is now, rather than thinking of how it used to be.Think about ways you have always connected with your mum, and whether you can adapt some of those things to the present. For example, you might not be able to go out to the shops, but you might be able to look online and choose things together.
Consider ways to support your relationship, such as finding ways to reminisce. For example, talking about old memories through life story work.
Think about any creative activities your mum might like that you can do together, such as art or music therapy. Even just listening to favourite songs together can be a good way to connect.Sensory experiences such as smelling a certain fragrance of food cooking can help spark memories and positive feelings.If things feel overwhelming at times, try to find opportunities to take some time for yourself. This may mean asking other people to help or arrange respite.
Try to find people you can talk to about the changes in the relationship and the way this is affecting you. This could be a friend, another family member or a professional (such as a counsellor). Carers’ support groups and online forums could also be helpful.Be kind to yourself. Remember that you are doing your best to care for your mum in what is likely to be a very difficult, complicated and emotional time. Try to take breaks and access the support that you need.
This Mother’s Day may be different, but it can still be meaningful for you both. When someone is living with dementia, the positive feelings they experience during an event or interaction can stay with them, even if the details fade. Your mum might not remember a day out or a visit later, but she may still carry out the feelings of being happy and loved.
If you’re stuck about what to buy this Mother’s Day, Alzheimer’s Society’s online shop has a range of thoughtful and practical gift ideas for people living with dementia.
The Brain Health Puzzle Book – by Dr Tim Beanland – Alzheimer’s Society
Precious Petzzz – Dog – Alzheimer’s Society
Day and Night clock – Alzheimer’s Society
Simple Music Player – red – Alzheimer’s Society
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