Vital message on coercion and control

As new national restrictions continue Lincolnshire Police are once again seeking to send a clear message to those who endure domestic abuse.

“We are here to protect you.

“We want to raise awareness that abuse does not have to involve violence to be a crime. We know that lockdown hands power to an abuser. With a victim’s usual support and escape options limited, an abuser may be less likely to be violent as they have the victim right where they want them, under their control.

“With this in mind we have developed an animation (see below) that seeks to convey the mindset of an abuser who is coercive and controlling to help reach those who are suffering.”

The animation uses a piece of writing known as The Narcissist’s Prayer, author unknown.

The Narcissist’s Prayer

That didn’t happen. 

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. 

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, that’s not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did…

You deserved it.

Head of Protecting Vulnerable People, Detective Superintendent Martyn Parker said, “We know this resonates with some people who have suffered at the hands of an abuser and we want to use these words to demonstrate that we understand the mindset portrayed.

“An abuser will commonly be in denial, they will fail to accept responsibly for the abuse and they will often seek to blame the victim for their behaviour.

“They will undermine, belittle and intimidate to the point that the victim may start to doubt themselves.

“We believe that abuse is never the fault of the person experiencing it. We are here for you and regardless of the restrictions in place across the Country, we are never closed. Lockdown will not affect our powers to deal with offenders.

“Domestic abuse remains a priority for us. No one should have to fear for their safety in their own homes – not least when they are being told to stay home for their safety.”

Where to get help 

If you or your children are in immediate danger you should always call 999. If it is not safe to speak use ‘silent solutions’. Press 5 5 when prompted and this will tell them that you need them.

If you don’t want to call police, you can access help from specialist domestic abuse services:

• End Domestic Abuse Now (EDAN) Lincolnshireavailable on 01522 510041. Helping all women, men and children experiencing domestic abuse. Lincolnshire’s Domestic Abuse Support Service now have an online chat function on their website. It is available between Monday and Friday 10am to 12pm. The Chat function allows someone to chat with a support worker at EDAN Lincs virtually, which can often be easier for some people to make that first step.
• The National Domestic Violence Helplineis a 24hr Freephone available on 0808 2000 247 operating 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
• The Safe Lives portalprovides advice for victims and professionals. 
• Galop– the national LGBT+ anti-violence charity are available on 0800 999 5428.
• If you are a child or young person and domestic abuse is happening in your home or relationship, Childlineis available on 0800 1111. 
• The Men’s Advice Lineis for male victims of domestic abuse and can be reached on 0808 8010327. 
• Safe spacesare available in UK pharmacies including Boots, Superdrug, Morrisons and many independent pharmacies. Go to the healthcare counter and ask to use the safe space where you can access support.

If you are worried about your own behaviour

At home shouldn’t mean at risk. There is no excuse for abuse. If you are worried about your behaviour, get help.

Call the Respect helpline on 0808 802 4040 or use webchat on the Respect website.

In Lincolnshire we also have Make a Change – contact 01522 246616  or email: info@makeachangelincs.org.uk

Video

Coercion and control